


(If you're hurting) Lay it all on me

by nessnessquik



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Although there is a little hint of something more because, HELLO it's me, Mainly just best friends and partners!Philinda, So this is me trying to get some out, i have sO MANY FEELINGS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-10
Updated: 2015-11-10
Packaged: 2018-04-30 22:34:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5182142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nessnessquik/pseuds/nessnessquik
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Not now, Phil.” He heard her hard voice coming from the chair to his right. He could tell she was clenching her teeth; another sign she was trying to keep her emotions in check. She couldn't fool him. </p><p>Title is from Rudimental and Ed Sheeran's "Lay it all on me" (because WOW, it's Philinda)</p>
            </blockquote>





	(If you're hurting) Lay it all on me

“May?” Phil knocked on her door quietly. Almost a whole day had passed since La— _Andrew_ , he reminded himself heavily—had escaped their custody. Melinda had stayed with them as they looked for him, offering every bit of information she could give to help them with their search. Phil was once again amazed at his best friend’s strength, even though he knew underneath that determined expression was an ocean of torment that he desperately wished he could take upon himself instead. Melinda had disappeared after hours of fruitless attempts to find their former friend, and Phil immediately knew she would retreat to her room, the only place she was sure to be left alone.

  
_Except from me,_ Coulson thought dryly. But she wouldn’t be surprised to see him. He’d left her alone for a while, and he was sure that in that time she’d found a million ways to place the blame for everything that had happened upon herself. Phil refused to let her believe that she had anything to do with Andrew turning, and had resolved to do whatever it took to make sure his partner wouldn’t bear this burden alone.

  
“May.” He knocked again, knowing she was just ignoring him now.

  
“Go away, Phil.” She sounded angry. But Phil understood her anger was a barrier she used to keep her emotions from overflowing and overwhelming her.

  
Phil pressed his lips together in a hard line, looking down at his shoes and feeling his determination deflate. She didn’t want his help. After betraying her trust yet again with Theta Protocol, not telling her about his therapy sessions with Andrew, the millions of times he failed her, he should have expected this. He didn’t deserve to be the one who comforted her, even if he wanted to be.

  
Phil was about to resign himself and walk away from her door when his gaze happened to catch on the white stripes of his tie. He touched it gently, reminded of that morning when Melinda helped secure it around his neck. She had rolled her eyes when he’d asked her to give him “a hand,” but he had seen that little hint of a smile curving her lips as she knotted his tie expertly and familiarly. He remembered how her hands had just barely lingered on his chest when she finished, sending a thrill through his body that affected him more than he would admit—even to himself.

Regardless of his feelings, she was always there for him, no matter what. The tie was just _more_ proof of that fact. Even when he was being an idiot, even when he didn’t deserve it, she was there. With advice, with comfort, with assurance, with whatever he didn’t even realize he needed sometimes. He had let her down so many times before, how could he just leave her now when she was hurting? Possibly more than she had ever hurt in her life?

  
Phil placed his hand back on the doorknob. “I’m coming in.” He stated calmly.

  
He turned the knob and walked into the dark room, shutting the door quickly behind him.

  
“Not now, Phil.” He heard her hard voice coming from the chair to his right. He could tell she was clenching her teeth; another sign she was trying to keep her emotions in check. She couldn't fool him. 

Phil waited till his eyes had adjusted slightly to the dark before responding. “I didn’t bother you for a good 4 hours. That’s like a record for me.”

  
He didn’t need to see her face to know she was glaring at him. He heard her stand.

  
“What part of ‘not now’ don’t you understand?”

  
He felt the anger and pain rolling off Melinda in waves as she drew closer to him.

  
“Or what about ‘go away’?” She pushed him forcefully, much like she had in the hallway to Hunter what felt like an eternity ago. “I don’t want to talk, I want to be alone. Get out.”

  
“You might _want_ to be alone, but that’s not what you need. I know you. All you’ll do is blame yourself.” Phil stood his ground. “You couldn’t have stopped any of this from happening, May. It’s not your fault.”

  
“It _is_ my fault!” Melinda cried out angrily, shoving him again. “I should have protected him from transforming, I should have gone for him after he disappeared out of the blue—"

"You couldn't have—"

"I should have been protecting the lives of the innocent people he’s been _murdering!_ I should have—”

  
“ _No_ , May. _Melinda_ , you are not to blame.” Phil grabbed her hands before she could push him again and held them to his chest, not letting go even as she struggled half-heartedly against him. He spoke firmly and earnestly, begging her to listen to him with his eyes; even though he knew she might not be able to make them out in the dark of the room. “It wasn’t your fault, Melinda. There was nothing you could have done.”

  
Melinda stopped fighting and held very still as Phil brought up one hand to her cheek. “You can’t protect everyone. You can't. No matter how incredible you are, no matter how strong you are.” His thumb brushed her skin, light as a feather. “And you don’t always have to be strong, Melinda. Not with me.” He finished in a whisper, pleading with her to let him in.

  
Phil wasn’t sure if it was his words or his tender touch that did it, but he felt a violent shudder pass through her body, and in the dim light he could finally make out the features of the woman he knew better than anyone. Her face crumpled, all her anger was replaced by grief, and his heart broke for her all over again.

  
Melinda took in one ragged breath before choking out a sob, falling into Phil’s waiting arms and burying her face in his neck. She shook against him and he cradled her gently, whispering into her ear, “I know, I know. I’ve got you. I’m here, Melinda. I’ve got you.”

  
After a few minutes, he took her over to the chair she had been curled up in earlier and sat down, pulling her into his lap and holding her as tightly as he could, stroking her hair and continuing to murmur quietly as she clutched his shirt and cried and mourned for the man she used to know. 

  
Phil felt the wetness of her tears soaking through his shirt, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t fix the hurting she felt. He couldn’t take her pain onto himself to relieve some of her burden, but he was going to be there for her, and he wasn’t ever going to let her go again.

**Author's Note:**

> I pretty much wrote this whole thing in one sitting, so my apologies if it's super OOC, I just had to get some of my feelings out before tomorrow's episode completely wrecks me. And also we are severely lacking in new philinda fics in general, so I did my best. 
> 
> I really hope you like it! It'd be awesome if you left even a little comment. =) Thanks for reading!


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